Aging Care Coach

Thanksgiving is THIS week and many of us are in planning/preparation mode. If someone living with dementia will be a part of your holiday gathering, I want you to say this phrase aloud and use it to guide your interactions with that loved one...  "Less is best" Did you say it out loud? Are you thinking this doesn't apply to your situation?  Seriously, I have seen this every year for the 17 years I've worked in dementia care.  I say this with deep love and respect, knowing that your intentions are good... When planning holiday time with a loved one living with dementia, you must think LESS. Less people around. Less time/duration of visits. Less food options. Less extravagant gifts. Less decorations. Less travel. Less changes to the person’s normal routine.   Less snippy over-stressed family members around. (sorry, were those your toes I just stepped on, friend?) Less stimulation. Are you catching my drift here? Less is more...

It's June again and another Father's Day is upon us. With the holiday less than a week away, I find myself scrambling for gift ideas for my Dad and my Father-in-law. Both of these men are fortunate to have the resources to purchase all of their needs and most of their wants so this leads to the annual struggle with coming up with a gift to honor them and show appreciation on this 'holiday'. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a living father - who is healthy, with whom they have a good relationship, who loves and supports them through ups and downs. For those of you whose hearts sink when Father's Day is on the horizon, my heart breaks for you. There are many reasons this holiday may cause grief for you, dear readers. Since this is a blog that focuses primarily on dementia, I'm going to focus on those of you whose fathers are living with dementia. If your father is living with dementia this Father's Day, my 'challenge' coming up for a gif...

Recently, I returned to Phoenix, AZ where I work as an independent contractor/consultant with my former employer Hospice of the Valley. I previously lived in the Phoenix area for 9 years, originally moving there for graduate school then staying an extra 7 years until my husband's work took us on our next adventure. Since my dementia work all started in Phoenix, returning feels like a return to my roots. Collaborating with my original mentors again feels comforting in a sense because they helped shape the foundation of my career. These women also keep me on my toes because they have continued to evolve and strive to elevate dementia care efforts. They are truly special humans. There will always be new ideas and approaches in dementia care because as the saying goes "when we know better, we do better". There is still so much to understand about dementia, so we are all learning together. With that said, there are also some truths that remain true over the years and de...

I'm going to be real here... The reality of the situation is that I have avoided blogging about this topic for months because it such a difficult topic. It's not difficult because I find the topic uncomfortable. I am not a prude, per se. We are adults. And by now, you all know I'm all about tacking tough topics of dementia care. The reason I've avoided writing about the topic is because there is absolutely no way that I can wrap this topic up in 750 words with a pretty little bow on top. No way, it's much too complex for that.  To start, "Sexuality in Dementia" encompasses such a wide variety of issues...foul/sexual language, suggestive comments, touching self/others, exposing self/others, masturbation, requesting sexual acts, and extra-marital relations when the person living with dementia no longer recalls they have a living spouse/partner and have found a new companion... to name a few.  See what I mean? That's quite a variety of situa...

March is Social Work month. Social workers in hundreds of different roles, working with a variety of populations across the county have been celebrated and appreciated this month. Before March comes to an end, I wanted to take time to express appreciation for social workers. Social Work is such a broad label. With a quick internet search of “social work” jobs, you will find thousands of positions requiring varying levels of education and experience, working with children, adoption, family services, hospitals, homeless, counseling/private practice, veterans, domestic violence, seniors, community services… the list goes on and on. That is just positions labeled ‘social worker’. So, what is a ‘social worker’? That title often comes with a presumed image of a caring person doing their best to make social change, often working one on one with individuals and families, helping them through life’s’ obstacles. That is true in many cases, while far from all inclusive. When peo...

Senior Oral Health Care—The Oral/Systemic Link This article was submitted by Mary Jensen RDH, MS Can you imagine not being able to brush your own teeth? Perhaps it is due to arthritis, poor vision, or dementia. Your inability to perform routine and effective oral hygiene care leads to dental decay and likely periodontal (gum) disease. It can also contribute to an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and aspiration pneumonia. Controlling your diabetes will be much more difficult. Oral hygiene care is more than routine grooming like brushing one’s hair, or shaving—it is infection control! Inflammation of the gums will negatively effect overall health. The mouth is connected to the body! The blood that is in the infected gum tissue is the same blood that is traveling to the heart. Many seniors have had the benefit of preventative dental care. They have their natural teeth! Who will take the responsibility for caring for them when they can no longer care for themselves?...

Friends, I see news stories almost daily about individuals living with dementia who wander away from the safety of their care partners. Many times they are found safely, but there are many stories where the story ends tragically. The Alzheimer's Association states that SIX out of ten individuals living with dementia will wander. They go on to say that half of those who wander, half will experience serious injury or death if not found within twenty-four hours. These statistics are alarming. For over half of those living with dementia, the question is not IF but WHEN they will wander. The risk is real, yet many care partners assume wandering is not a risk for  their  loved one. Let's just put this into perspective a little... If you knew with 50% certainty that a child was at risk for being kidnapped, would you ignore the risk? I don't know of anyone caring for small children who would ignore this risk without putting some safety precautions in place. This comparison ...

As I travel around the country speaking about dementia, I get to meet a lot of neat people and hear a lot of stories about caring for loved ones throughout the aging process and those living with dementia. I repeatedly hear accounts of husbands, wives, sons and daughters who tell of "sudden" changes in their loved ones which are mistakenly misdiagnosed as sudden onset dementia or sudden drastic progression of the dementia process. I had the recent misfortune to have little run in with a deer while driving on a major thoroughfare in my town... I could almost see the deer laugh at me as he ran off. Meanwhile, my husband's Jeep (which I was driving at the time) required over three thousand dollars in repairs. When I took the car to the collision center for repairs, I struck up small talk with a fellow customer. As conversations often evolve, the topic of careers came up and I shared that I work in dementia care. I noticed an immediate change in James' (my new f...

Alright friends, it is Real Talk Time again on the Aging Care Coach blog. Over the past 6 weeks, many of you have visited aging family members that you may or may not see regularly. In recent visits, there are a few bits and pieces of your interactions that have stuck out in your mind. For some of you, these are more alarming and you know that it is probably past time to get help. Some of you, however, are finding ways to “justify” these incidents as stress, normal aging or lifelong challenges with details, personality issues, etc. I’m not a mind-reader, I haven’t been spying on your texts with your siblings and I haven’t been a part of your whispered conversations with loved ones… so how do I know this? I know what many of you are experiencing right now because I have experienced this in my own family situations and have worked with families reaching out for support in late December, January and February for the past 15 years. During my Masters’ program, I had the privileg...

Friends, let's talk about giving gifts to loved ones living with dementia. Yet again, I speak from experience... I have seen my own family and others overcompensate in their grief and feelings of hopelessness by giving extravagantly at a point when the person living with dementia is unable to appreciate or secure treasured valuables. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think those living with dementia are un-deserving of nice things. That is not my point at all. Unfortunately, because of the memory and thinking changes experienced, some "valuables" may not be as meaningful to them as their world gets more narrow. If they do treasure an item, they may place the item in a 'safe place'... You know the safe place I'm talking about - the place where a person with dementia puts a treasured item then cannot recall the location? Yep, some of you know all about these 'safe places' where items go missing sometimes turning up months or years later. ...

“You want me to lie to my Dad?” Yes. Well, no not really. I like to consider it a therapeutic fib, rather than a “lie”. Some may consider it a lie. I don’t really care what we call it as long as it is done taking their brain changes in mind with the focus on what is most supportive for the person living with dementia.  Following a recent presentation on “Transitions Along the Journey of Dementia”, a participant came up to discuss her situation. She shared that her father, who is now living with moderate dementia, repeatedly asks about his parents. To date, she has explained that his parents are deceased. She went on to tell me that in order to disrupt the pattern of this repetitive question, earlier that day she had placed photographs of both of his parents’ grave stones on his dresser mirror. After hearing me talk about “joining the journey” rather than “reality orientation”, she asked me if I thought she should remove the pictures. I mustered as much compassion a...

Friends, I have to share a glimmer of hope with you. Over the past four months, I have had the opportunity to be an online mentor/coach for undergraduate students at Arizona State University taking an elective course on dementia. The course is taught by the amazing and brilliant Dr. Gillian Hamilton from Hospice of the Valley (HOV), a not-for-profit hospice in Phoenix, Arizona. I previously had the privilege of serving under Dr. Hamilton’s leadership years ago when I served as the Social Worker with the Dementia Program at HOV. During those five years, the foundation of my dementia care career was formed by Dr. Hamilton and the two phenomenally smart and caring nurse practitioners who have both since obtained Doctorates in Nursing Practice. Y’all, these women are remarkably talented and dedicated to improving care for those living their last months and years with dementia. They are my tribe and my career has been ever-shaped by the years spent working alongside them. Last summer...

Alright, my friends. We have battled Black Friday, supported local on Small Business Saturday, and spent many screen hours on Cyber Monday. Now, let's take a few moments to reflect on the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. How did it go for you as you balanced the holiday with caregiving for someone living with dementia? Were there tough lessons learned the hard way about what your loved one with dementia can tolerate at this point? Were there special moments of connection with your loved one? I hope there were more of the latter and less of the former. I'd love to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly. We can all learn from each other.  One of my favorite sayings is “when we know better, we do better” and that holds very true in dementia care. Certainly, we have good intentions and want the best for our loved ones. Yet when we don’t have a good understanding of their brain changes and how to best support them, we can at times contribute negatively to the experience. This topic ...