Aging Care Coach

Friends, let's talk about giving gifts to loved ones living with dementia. Yet again, I speak from experience... I have seen my own family and others overcompensate in their grief and feelings of hopelessness by giving extravagantly at a point when the person living with dementia is unable to appreciate or secure treasured valuables. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think those living with dementia are un-deserving of nice things. That is not my point at all. Unfortunately, because of the memory and thinking changes experienced, some "valuables" may not be as meaningful to them as their world gets more narrow. If they do treasure an item, they may place the item in a 'safe place'... You know the safe place I'm talking about - the place where a person with dementia puts a treasured item then cannot recall the location? Yep, some of you know all about these 'safe places' where items go missing sometimes turning up months or years later. ...

“You want me to lie to my Dad?” Yes. Well, no not really. I like to consider it a therapeutic fib, rather than a “lie”. Some may consider it a lie. I don’t really care what we call it as long as it is done taking their brain changes in mind with the focus on what is most supportive for the person living with dementia.  Following a recent presentation on “Transitions Along the Journey of Dementia”, a participant came up to discuss her situation. She shared that her father, who is now living with moderate dementia, repeatedly asks about his parents. To date, she has explained that his parents are deceased. She went on to tell me that in order to disrupt the pattern of this repetitive question, earlier that day she had placed photographs of both of his parents’ grave stones on his dresser mirror. After hearing me talk about “joining the journey” rather than “reality orientation”, she asked me if I thought she should remove the pictures. I mustered as much compassion a...

Friends, I have to share a glimmer of hope with you. Over the past four months, I have had the opportunity to be an online mentor/coach for undergraduate students at Arizona State University taking an elective course on dementia. The course is taught by the amazing and brilliant Dr. Gillian Hamilton from Hospice of the Valley (HOV), a not-for-profit hospice in Phoenix, Arizona. I previously had the privilege of serving under Dr. Hamilton’s leadership years ago when I served as the Social Worker with the Dementia Program at HOV. During those five years, the foundation of my dementia care career was formed by Dr. Hamilton and the two phenomenally smart and caring nurse practitioners who have both since obtained Doctorates in Nursing Practice. Y’all, these women are remarkably talented and dedicated to improving care for those living their last months and years with dementia. They are my tribe and my career has been ever-shaped by the years spent working alongside them. Last summer...